The Lotus Eaters
by Scottishlass
Summary: "To deny your own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human..."


Rating: R, I guess. Could we call it R-plus? Not really NC-17, but there are a few weird semi-sexual situations and some f-words here and there. Lots o' angst. 

Synopsis: The Lotus Eaters: A series of short vignettes dealing with dreams and issues of respect. "To deny one's own impulses is to deny what makes us human..."

Cypher proves he's an ass (pre-unplugging); Neo's frighten and disgusted by his own humanity (post-unplugging). Both vignettes set during the timeframe of the film. 

About the title: I hate titles. I'm teaching the Odyssey in a month or two and stole the name from the chapter about the land of the lotus eaters (gotta love Homer.) A bunch of Odysseus' men eat the flower, fall asleep, and have nice, pleasant dreams of home. It's a sad, sorry reference, but it's better than "untitled." Enjoy.

Forbidden Bloom

"You've been drinking that shit again," commented Trinity as she washed the rest of her protein slop down the drain.

"So? Cleans out the body." His glossy eyes clung to her frame as she continued to tidy the mess hall. "You know, Trin, I think he likes you."

"Shut up, Cypher."

"No really, I think he does."

"That's ridiculous. He's a copper top," she replied softly, wishing that he'd leave her alone. "He's seen me once. Sometimes, Cypher, you really distort things." She managed to finish her duties and almost escape out the door before she heard his slurred voice again.

"He dreams about you, you know." Cypher hung in the doorway, blocking her path. She tired to make her way past him, but he held his drunken form steady.

"Let me pass," she said quietly, hoping he wouldn't realize that she had become uncomfortable alone with him.

"Wild dreams..." His mouth twisted into a sneer.

"You don't know that. Can I go now?"

"Little do you know, Trinity. So little do you know. I've been watching him."

"So. So have I?"

"And he dreams."

Trinity stopped trying to get past Cypher, and looked him in the eye. "You've been watching him dream?" she asked in disgust. That was completely taboo.

"Oh, yeah. And the things he dreams, Trin. You know that night at the club?"

"Cypher, I'm warning you..."

"That night he met you. Went home and jerked off, thinking about you."

Trinity lowered her eyes, embarrassed for Neo, embarrassed for herself.

"Then," he drawled on, "he fell asleep and dreamed about you. Dreamed that you tied him up and shit. Fucked him 'till he couldn't walk."

"Cypher, that's enough."

"Goddamn freak came in his sleep."

"That's _enough!_" Her hand whipped fast across his cheek. "You're a sick fuck, Cypher," she spat, pushing her way past him. 

He touched his reddening cheek gingerly. "Just lettin' ya know," he called to her. 

She stopped in the hallway, and slowly turned around. "Fuck you," she said calmly, and left Cypher giggling in the mess hall.

Honey'd Nectar

I watch as she makes her way down the hallway, her red dress clinging to her hips as she sashays to my side. "You've been so lonely, cowboy," she drawls. "Now I'm here." She raises her eyebrow seductively, her lips part. "Let me take it all away."

The woman in the red dress presses herself into me, her breasts bulging. My body thinks for me and I want her. My heavy eyelids close as she wraps herself around me. The instant before we kiss I open my eyes and the blonde is gone.

It's Trinity.

But I'm still hungry, still needy. I grab her face and mash my mouth to hers; she doesn't struggle. The woman in the red dress is forgotten, now it's all Trin and she melts beneath me as I explore her mouth with my tongue. I grab her ass, firm and muscular; my fingers trace over the patent leather. 

We end up against the wall. I can't get enough, like a newborn at the breast. My eyes have closed now and we're kissing in a way that would put horny teenagers to shame. _Please stop,_ I tell myself. _This is Trinity. Your friend. _But I can't stop...

And then I'm outside of myself. Watching. _Leave her alone,_ I shout to my other self. He looks at me, smiles wickedly, and tugs on the fly of his pants.

With a scream of protest, I try to stop him. _No, don't...please don't..._

And then, thanks to the God I'd long forgotten, I wake up.

I'm shaking and covered with sweat, painfully aware that I'm hard. This is the third night in a row. Disgusted with myself, I try to control the nausea but can't. Again, I puke over the side of the bed.

_Ok, Neo, get a grip_, I think, trying to rationalize that it's all just a nightmare. The lines between dreaming and reality have been so blurred lately, however, that it doesn't really matter anymore what's real and what's not. 

I dream about her every night. Bad dreams. Fucking sick dreams.

And I think she knows it.

Trinity, my angel Trinity, doesn't stay by my side anymore. She used to, you know. I never saw her, but I always felt her presence. Calming, strong. And finally, after God-knows-how-long, I was able to push back the pain and really sleep. When I'd wake up, she'd be there. Sitting, awake and in silence, watching me sleep. 

She's gone now. I swear she knows my dream.

I wipe up the puke with a dirty cloth; my cell stinks. I'm not shaking anymore, but I still feel like shit. I could never hurt her. It disgusts me that I'd even have a thought like that about her. 

Dreams are often reflections of the inner mind. And it terrifies me that a part of me would want her in that way. Because I really do care about her. 

__

You're only human, a side of me says. _You do want her. To make love with her. You want her to feel the same about you. Remember, to deny your own impulses is to deny the thing that makes you human. Plus, it's only a fucking dream. Nothing more._

Exhausted, I lay back down on my bunk. I feel like shit, like I defiled her, marred her, raped her of her spirit. I am vile. Tears form in my eyes, stinging them. 

And then I hear it. The slightest scrape of the door being opened, then shut. It's her.

"Neo..."

"Go away," I whisper. It came out angrier than I'd hoped.

"You had another nightmare."

"How'd you know?"

She doesn't say. Instead, she sits beside me and places her cool hand on my forehead. "You okay? You were sick again."

"I'm okay," I try to convince her. The residue of my dream is still in my mind and it sickens me. 

"I'm worried about you," she whispers in her sweet, concerned voice.

I muster a smile. She is so beautiful. "They'll go away."

"You want to talk about them?"

"No," I say sharply. God forbid she ever find out.

"Okay," she says. I silently thank her for not pressing the issue. "I'll be in my cabin if you need me," she reassures me. "Try to sleep."

She runs her hand over the stubble of my hair, then slowly leans to my face to plant a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Sweet dreams, Neo," she murmurs in my ear before she stands to go.

I close my eyes and try to look at peace. I know she stays at the door for a few moments before she leaves. _Longer than she has to,_ I think. 

Again I'm left alone in the deep darkness. But her presence lingers, enveloping me with serenity. _Thank you, Trinity. Thank you. _I sigh and roll over, trying to make myself as comfortable as possible. I play the moment over and over in my mind. Only in my version, I tell her that I love her. As I finally drift off to sleep, I remind myself that one day I'm gonna have to tell her. 

Then I'm dreaming again. I'm back in that hallway, watching me and Trinity kiss. But before I can scream again, we break the kiss and simply hug. I watch, intently, as we part and stare at each other. A smile plays over her lips; she's going to say something to me. I strain to listen. She leans to my ear and she finally answers my unspoken question. She loves me, too.

And then I'm back in my body; I can feel her hand as it slips into mine. Her smile fills me. We turn, and walk down the hallway. Together.


End file.
